I shouldn’t have done it. I KNOW I shouldn’t have done it. But I did it. I spied on Katy at pre-school. My imagination was sending her soaring through fancy sandcastles and laughing with friends. I had to abandon all that. I drove with Allen through the parking lot, very slowly, straining to see Katy on the playground through the foliage. There she was. She wears her glasses to school and so far has sported those ding dongs on top of her head. Today she was wearing jean shorts laced with pink and a brown shirt with pink hearts. I didn’t have my camera with me so I’m trying to reconstruct every detail as best I can. She was alone in this huge sand box area, other than a couple of sweaty boys who were playing together at the far end. She didn’t have any tools but I know she was trying to build a sand castle. Other kids seemed to be playing alone too, except for the triplet girls who had each other to play with. It was very sad for me to watch her. I must say that KATY wasn’t sad. She wouldn’t have wanted to go with me if I hopped out to take her home. Still, it was breaking my heart. How could those kids not see how much fun she is? I can see that we have been spoiled by the kids in our family and friendships who truly celebrate Katy and Allen, and make them feel special. Sigh…

Then two of the triplets came skipping over. I had high hopes. Nope. They started throwing sand up in the air. Katy looked horrified as they stomped dangerously near the sad pile of sand which was her sandcastle. I heard her sternly say, “No throwing sand.” Then I watched as she looked for support from someone taller than four feet. “Edybody is throwing sand!” she shouted in a concerned but bossy voice. She turned back to the girls and told them, “I told you to STOP!” I guess should have been laughing. But I just really wanted to push those girls down. It’s becoming a reality that I have to shove my babies out into the world and let them fend for themselves someday. They will be stronger if I can let them fight their own battles. It’s going to be hard to do. I put the van in gear and slowly drove away before the teacher noticed me lurking and spying and thinking mean thoughts about some of her students. I really do love the pre-school and teachers and playground and everything. I just wish I could stick some good friends in Katy’s class to play with her and protect her. And maybe then I would wrap them all in bubble tape. Just a couple layers…nothing too dramatic.